And the Two Shall Become One Pt 2_Making Space

"Baby, can I please unpack my stuff now? I'm tired of living out of these bags," Charles kindly remarked as we were getting dressed for work one morning. We'd been married for almost three months, and my poor husband's clothes were still scattered between his old house and our new home. The pieces he did have here were packed into two large duffel bags.

Getting dressed in the morning consisted of him practically emptying the contents of two bags onto the bed to find the bow-tie, cuff links, socks, underwear and everything else he needed to get dressed for work. I had made a small (and I do mean small) section of space in the closet in our bedroom for his shirts and slacks and a couple suits. 

My husband needed space in what was now our home. 

I was hesitant to give up my closet, not only for the obvious reason of me having way too many clothes with no place to store them all, but more importantly, I realized I needed to deal with my issues surrounding permanency and abandonment. 

As a young girl, many of the men in my life hurt me and then left. And so, in relationships, I never had a sense of permanence--not even in my first marriage. For the first six months of my previous marriage, I kept a bag packed at the front door. Whenever my ex-husband and I would argue, I'd grab the keys and my bag and head into DC to my best friend's apartment for the night. I wanted to be the one to leave before he had the opportunity to leave me.

While I no longer leave in the midst of disagreement, I found myself maintaining a sort of "boundary" when it came to merging my life with someone else. I'll let you in--but only so much.

Where did that leave my husband of only three months? Living out of duffel bags in a corner of our bedroom. 

Then one morning as we were getting dressed, he stopped me, turned me to face him and declared, "Jabaria, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not those other men in your life who hurt you and left you. I'm here for as long as God allows me to be. I'm not going anywhere." It was as if God was speaking through my husband; I hadn't talked with him about my fear. We'd never even gone deep into my abandonment issues, but he sensed my reticence to fully embrace him in our home, and he spoke right to the heart of my issue. 

I stood there, speechless. And then I began to weep. God had told me what I needed to hear. This time, it really is, "Till death do us part." I not only made space in my closet, but I made space in my soul for another person to reside. 

What do you need to make space for in your life? Perhaps God needs us to move some things out of our hearts and our minds in order to make space for Him. Until we know how to make space for God, we can never truly make space for another person.

Make space for your future husband. Or your current husband.

Perhaps you need to forgive your last boyfriend in order to free up that emotional energy and head space. Forgiveness frees our hearts, our hands and our emotions to receive what God has for us. Holding on to past hurt, anger and bitterness only immobilizes us and keeps us from moving forward and receiving the good things God has for our future.

Maybe you need to make space in your finances for someone else. Clean up old debt and begin saving so that you future mate doesn't inherit the bad decisions of your past.

It may be space on your calendar you need to make for your future mate. I love Jesus, but that doesn't mean I want to spend 24/7 in church--and I'm a Pastor!! We have to be well rounded individuals living a balanced and healthy life that glorifies God inside and outside of church. If you spend every night in church, when will you have time to date and get to know a potential mate? Prayer meeting is not the appropriate setting for dialogue and discussion. 

Or just maybe you're like me and need to head to Walmart to buy a closet organizer and make space in your home for another to reside.

Whatever God is calling you to do, be sure to make space for it!!

Until next time, I pray that God de-clutters your soul so that you can make space for what He has in store for your life.

Sincerely,

Jabaria
The Divine Diva