So, I'm just over 90 days into this thing called marriage...again. But this time, everything is different. This time, I went in with my eyes open, my heart full and my spirit filled. I wasn't looking for my husband to validate, affirm or define me. God has already done that. I went in knowing what I wanted and with no fear in asking for it. And I went into it after less than a month of dating.
My husband, Charles, and I have known each other for seven years; however, when we first met, we both were married to other people. We befriended in each other in ministry and worked together on a couple of board projects for a non-profit. Then life carried us in separate directions, both ending up in divorce court.
Charles and his son, Christopher, moved to Florida after his divorce, and we sporadically communicated via social media checking in on each other, but I never considered him as a dating possibility--until we had brunch in April. I'd just broken off a four year on again, off again situation and was not much in the mood for going out, but I'd made a promise to a mutual friend of ours that I'd have brunch with him, and I wanted to keep my word. So, we met a small cafe downtown and ate. He listened contently as I poured out the last four years of my love life to him and when I was done, he simply asked the question, "So, what do you want to do from here?"
He told me about a new ministry opportunity that God had given him to plant a church from the ground up on a local college campus, and it sounded terrific--for him. I knew that God was moving me out of my ministry assignment, but I didn't know into what. I'd just started a women's Bible study called Divine Divas, and I figured I'd focus my energy there until God showed me my next move, not realizing that His next move in my life was sitting directly across from me.
Over the next couple weeks, Charles and I saw/talked to each other every day. It felt natural and organic, as if God had already been knitting us together through our past relationships and experiences. Charles made sense to me. I didn't have to force anything with him. I could be myself and allow him to be himself without any of the pretense of hidden agendas. Most of all, we shared a singular passion--Jesus Christ. Our children connected and bonded instantly. That made all the difference in the world. He spoke my language and I his.
One night as we sat in his car on the campus of my Alma Mater, he turned to me and said, "Let's make the model for marriage." That was his proposal. And it would change my life forever. Less than 14 days later, we stood in front of one of the elders of the ministry and exchanged our vows. Two weeks later, we had a formal ceremony on the grounds of the very ministry God was birthing in us.
And from that day on, the two have been becoming one...
Come go with us as we make this journey together in life. Over the next however many posts God allows me to write, I'll share insights into marriage from my second time around. I promise not to forget what it was like for the five plus years I was a single sistah out in the world of Match.com, POF.com and all the other dating sites out there promising Mr. Right-Now (I do NOT miss dating!).
My goal is to instill hope that God has not forgotten you in your season of singleness and to share what I learned both in my season of singleness and marriage to help encourage all my Single Divine Divas out there waiting for their Boaz. He's out there; we just have to be patient and allow God to shape us into the women He wants us to be for our mate.
Until the Divas meet again,
Jabaria
The Divine Diva
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